That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
