im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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