i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
