I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
