I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
