i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
