I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
