Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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