I want to have your abortion
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
