You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
