Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
