i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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