I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
