why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
