I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
