Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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