I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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