So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
