Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
