some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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