I wish my penis had an off switch
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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