Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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