So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
