You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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