I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
