My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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