We won't sleep together?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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