I met the friendliest cop last night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
