at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
