it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
