I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
