we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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