i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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