from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
