Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
