you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
