I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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