Betty ford says i'm here all night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
