then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
