this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
