You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
