____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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