Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
