I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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