i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
