I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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