Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
