I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
