im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
