bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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