I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
