What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
