Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
